16 months old and His first!

                                              Caleb is 16 months old today!!

Ever since we received his referral at 8 1/2 months, I would post on Facebook how old he was every month. I hated missing so much. I hated as each month passed and he was not home where he was suppose to be, but today... today our sweet boy is 16 months old and he has been home with us for over a month!! Praise be to God!!

Caleb is full of joy and soaks up everything. He fits perfectly into our family and it honestly feels like he has always been here. It feels like I gave birth to him. I don't look at him and think I have missed out on anything. He has changed so much in such a short time. He is comfortable here in his home and around us. He is obsessed with water. He loves it when you splash water in his face. Anytime he hears us or one of the kids in the shower he crawls over fast and tries to get into the tub. He cries when you take him out. He loves water so much that if you leave the toilet open he will play in it. Yep... gross.. This is new to me so there are many times when the kids leave it up. :/ 

Going for walks, car rides, being on swings... he loves it all. He loves it so much that he throws fits when it's time to go home. :)

He is always singing to us.

We were blessed to be able to have Caleb home for Christmas. He had such a great day. The morning did start out a little rough. He has been having hives and he woke up Christmas morning with tons. Obviously he was cranky form them, but once the medicine kicked in he was having so much fun!!

           I am beyond blessed to have all my babies here. The Lord has been so gracious to give us this amazing, chaotic, exhausting life. Praising the Lord from whom all blessings flow.



Here is a little video to brighten your day. :)

Blessed beyond measure,

To Honor Him.........

                       Merry Christmas!!!!

                                                        From our family to yours!!!

Imagine what it would be like if we went to Him before we were thirsty.......

Praying for us all to not only yearn to know Him more this Christmas, but everyday. Praying our intimacy grows so deep that we imitate Him in all aspects of our lives.

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom He is please!"    Luke 2:14

Today

Hubby has been back at work and home schooling has been in full swing, but today.

Today I have so much on my mind.

Today I am missing Ethiopia and wish I knew when we could go back.

Today my two middle children are in the other room arguing about who gets to turn on the computer. My two oldest are suppose to be doing math at the table and instead are trying to make Caleb laugh when they think I am not looking.

Today my life is chaotic, my house is messy, laundry clean and dirty is all over the place, dishes need to be done, people are coming over for dinner and I have no idea what I am cooking. But....

Today as I look around at the little blessings God has entrusted me with, I can't help but have a huge burden for other kids who will never know the love of a family. Will never know what it is like to have dirty dishes in the sink, to argue with a sibling, to have clean laundry (even if it's not put away)  to have a hot meal at the dining room table... together..  who will never know the love of our Savior.... our Hope... our Joy.

Hubby and I have been  praying for a while that God would allow us to foster. Caleb is finally home and even though this is not something we can not do for at least a year, we are still praying about taking classes. Getting ready, just in case God has a plan for it. And if He doesn't then we will keep praying for all the children locally and globally.

I always said that fostering is a way to really show the love of Christ to children. No matter how long or short they were in your home, I truly believe that that love will never leave them, that seeds would be planted.

But...

What about the people that enter my home now.. families... singles.... friends..strangers. Am I showing them the love of Christ? Am I even attempting to be obedient to Christ with others so that seeds will be planted?



What about my own kids or my hubby? Am I showing them the love of Christ? Am I extending the Grace that has been so freely given to me?

Today... It's just beginning and His mercies are new.... not just every morning.. but right now.


Praying..... for the burdens on my heart.

Praying..... for so many around me who are hurting.

Praying.... that I can extend the kind of love and Grace that the Lord extends to me.... with His help of course.

Today.. I am praising Him for all He has done and will continue to do. 


"O, Lord God, you have only begun to show your servant your greatness and your mighty hand." Duet.3:24

Traditions

I love December! I honestly think it is the one month out of the year where I am not stressed out of my mind. It's the truth! It's sad, but true!

I don't go crazy on gifts (they get 3 each) and we do devotions everyday, so we are focused on the Lord. That doesn't mean my whole month is perfect. The kids are still fighting and my house is trashed and I haven't slept much, but I have amazing joy! God fills my heart with Joy when I focus on  Him. I must repent though because after the "high" of this month and celebrating Jesus birth and Him being our gift. I sort of let all that go to the side the rest of the year. I can talk the talk but unfortunately I am not walking the walk that the Lord has for us. There has been much conviction and repenting going on in this house.

On to our traditions:

Every year we go to Starbucks and hubby and I get coffee and the little ones get hot chocolate. We then drive around and look at Christmas lights. We go to the same places every year and we get out and walk around.  We try to do it when it is really cold, but it's Florida and it is not always cold.

Daddy showing Caleb the lights.

Daddy and his boys.

Every year we also do a Jesus tree. We let the kids make one and we hang it up. Then every day daddy (or if he is working, I will) read the kids  scripture and allow them to make an ornament with what they believe the scripture is about. I love seeing their creativity every year. My favorite moment so far was when my oldest decided to draw Mary and Elizabeth together pregnant and my five year old asked him why he drew them with big butts!! LOL

Elijah gluing his ornament to the tree.

My younins listening to daddy.

Jacob working on his ornament

Daddy reading scripture.

My older daughter also participates. I took these photos the other day and I didn't take very many :)


Our other favorite tradition is baking!!! We take a whole day and bake like crazy. The kids love it and so does daddy since he gets to eat everything. We also give lots away to our neighbors. I don't have pictures because we have not had our baking day yet, but it is coming up!

Those are our traditions for December. Of course we always decorate our real tree and play CHRISTmas music. It's always a little crazy with 5 little ones, so I did not get any pictures. 


I would love to hear about your family traditions. Feel free to share them or link your blog post!


Praying your day is filled with Joy that only Christ can give,

How's it going?

It has been a week since Caleb has been home and two weeks since we took him from the orphange. So how is it going?

The short answer? GREAT!

When we were in Ethiopia, it is their custom that they will take Caleb from us. Yes, people we don't know will randomly come up and take him from my arms. Not to be mean. They kiss on him and rock him. It is just their custom and I was warned it would happen. I put on a happy face, but it was hard for me to let them. The greatest part was when they would take him, he would scream and reach for me. It melted my heart and it showed them that he knew I was his momma. :)

The flight home was..... rough! Our sweet boy slept for maybe two hours all together. The blessing with that was that he was automatically on our time zone. Since he came home and crashed, we haven't had to worry about him being awake at night. Though he has cried a few times at night, he pretty much is getting on a schedule. I am one of those mommas that LOVE schedules, so as soon as he was home I started working on one with him. So far so good. Some rough times. The boy has a HUGE temper (hey, he wouldn't be a Maser without one) but we are lovingly working through them.

Every morning their is a poop incident. You know when you go in and say "Good morning, sweet boy!" and there is poop every where! Hubby and I fight over who gets to see him first thing in the morning ;) Today he had that honor and it was not pretty! Caleb thinks it is funny, he just laughs and laughs!

Our kids have been amazing with him. They are so thankful their brother is finally here. They fight over wanting to feed him and change him. I have to keep reminding them that mommy and daddy need to be the ones to do everything for him for a while.It is a challenge some days.

Caleb has really taken to me. It melts my momma heart. He wants me all the time and if I am not holding him, he just has to make sure I am in the room. I really do believe he remembers being abandon. At least the emotions of it. There are times you will see fear in his eyes and then when he looks for hubby and I and sees us, you can see it go away.

My five year old asked me other day why his first mommy left him. We are all well aware that his first momma had to make a decision that I will never comprehend, because she loved him that much. Heart ache had to occur for Caleb to be a Maser. Thankfully, God makes ALL things new. He is such a blessing and a perfect fit in our crazy family! We pray for his first momma everyday.  When Caleb is older he will ask questions. Some I will have answers to, some I will not. The good news is that no one will ever be able to fill that whole in his heart, but God can and will. We pray for Caleb, that he will learn through the Lord's help that there is beauty in pain and that God has an amazing plan for his life.

Now for some pictures!!!! Whose idea was is it to have 5 kids under the age of 8????

Taken in Ethiopia

Good morning!

First time on a swing.

First time on a slide

Playing in the rain. He loved it!

                                           5 kids under 8. It was God's idea and I am filled with more joy then I deserve that he would allow me to be their mom. Thank you Jesus!

He was reaching for us, but it is still cute!

All for His Glory,

Caleb day 4

   Today was awesome. I don't even know where to start!! First off you guys must have been praying because not only did Caleb finally eat food, he also slept last night. He did get up twice, but he slept!! We were so thankful. We think he is teething bad. His gums are really swollen so we gave him tylenol and that seemed to help.

Before we headed out for the day, we had a coffee ceremony put on by Tsige. I am obsessed with the coffee.

When we headed out, we drove by Kora on our way to the Alert hospital. Kora is the city dump where people live. They eat off of the food that gets dumped there. It was just...... there are no words. The smell alone makes you want to run for the hills, but there are people who have no other choice but to live there. Children and all. I wanted so badly to go meet some of them and love on them, but with Caleb we didn't feel like it would have been a good idea. I did get some pictures so you can kind of see what I am talking about (they will be on my facebook when we get home) After that we went to the Alert hospital. This hospital is where they treat the people with Leprosy and HIV. We went there so we could buy some stuff. All the money goes to them so we wanted to support what we could. Besides they love having visitors. We ended up getting the girls beautiful Ethiopian dresses and also the boys Ethiopian clothes. My girls are going to die! They wanted a dress so bad. Shhhh don't tell them.

We then went to the Holy Trinity Church. This is very historic for Ethiopia. Every single item in that church symbolizes something from the bible. It was built  by the Greeks. You will die when you see the pictures, it is nothing short of astonishing. The history behind it is incredible. We had a wonderful tour guide. He just loved Caleb and we learned something pretty amazing today. He asked what Caleb's name was and we told him Leykun ( that is his given name and will be his middle name now) The man told me he would not pronounce it and then asked us if he was in the Ormoyion (sp?) region. We said yes! (the place where he is from is 2 hours southeast of Addis) We later found out that the first language of Ethiopia is called Geez. That language is only to be spoken by the high priest and Leykun is of that language and means "Let it be".  We could never find anything on his name and  I am so glad we did.

Later on that night we met a bunch of adopting parents at a restaurant called Island Breeze. It was a crazy, hectic time and I was thankful to be able to spend time with families who have all been through what we have been through. We also met someone there named Bizrat. He has a relationship with our church at home and it was only God that we finally got to meet him. He was so sweet and I asked him what Leykun meant and he said the same thing as our guide. He also was able to pin point what region he was from just by the name. I find that so interesting.

We then of course went to Kaldis and Caleb had his first chocolate milk shake. He is such a Maser, he LOVED it!!!

Everyone here has been so nice. They keep kissing on Caleb and  telling us they are so thankful to see us with him. We tell them that we are so thankful that WE get to be his parents.
We did not adopt because we are "saving him" we did this because God told us to. I can't tell you how thankful I am that God would allow us to do this! We had no plan to adopt, we had no idea how we would fund raise to even do it, we had no clue about anything and yet God did it all. All He wanted was an obedient heart and He would take care of the rest. And He did!

I am so torn because I LOVE it here. I really do. God is the one that is doing that. God is drawing our hearts more and more here and we are not sure why yet. I am dying to get home to see my babies and have us all together as a family, but I am so sad to leave. This place feels like home. Not Florida. Curious to see what God is doing.

There is so much that we have seen and experienced. It is really hard to put into words. Hopefully when things settle down I will be able to wrap my head around it all.

Thank you all for following our journey. We could never have done any of this with out your support and prayers. We will be leaving here tomorrow and headed to Germany first and then New York where Caleb will be an American Citizen :) and then home! We should be arriving in Tampa at 8 pm. Thursday night.

Please pray that everything goes as smoothly as it can. I get so exhausted just flying with hubby and now we will have Caleb.

Oh and one last thing. I don't understand how people lose weight when they come here. I can't stop eating their yummy food and I must drink my weight in coffee everyday.

All for His Glory,

Caleb days 2 and 3

We woke up early Sunday and went to church. Caleb was unsure at first, but loved the music. Everyone there was so nice and it was a great service. I was crying when we were singing the song "The wonderful cross." The part where it says " you bid me come and die to find that I may truly live." I think about all that God has done not only with Caleb but everything in my life and I can't help but praise Him and be in awe that He would allow me to die (cover my sin), so that I may live with Him ( his daughter, heir to the throne). Thank you Jesus!  After church we just went back to the guest house to try and nap. Caleb has not been sleeping at night so hubby and I are were exhausted.

Later on that night for dinner we went to a traditional Ethiopian restaurant with our driver and his fiance. We had a wonderful time. Caleb did awesome and he even ate his first injera. He went nuts when the dancers came out. He loved every minute of it. I ate my first raw meat..... .yep, I will take a moment to let that sink in. It was by complete accident. We were sharing a meal and I just started to try everything. I ate tons of it before someone started naming off everything and then said " oh and that one is raw meat." You should have seen the look on my face. I was so scared I was going to get sick. Thankfully all is well and I am fine. I am so adventurous LOL

Caleb is becoming a lot closer to hubby and I. He cries when one of us leaves the room and no matter what he is doing he has to be touching me or he gets upset. We are having a hard time with feeding him because most of our food for him was taken in Germany. They told us since we didn't have a baby with us then we can't have it. Also I know they fed him a lot in the orphanage but he doesn't seem to eat a lot with us. I know the food is so different then what he is use too. We bought formula here so that works, but please pray he starts to really eat soon. I know he needs it.

He is crawling and starting to stand. He is not walking but we think he will be by Christmas. He adores other kids. Anytime he sees them he cracks up and can't stop staring. I can not wait for him to meet his brothers and sisters. He is a talker, he loves baths, his laugh is contagious and I just might be slightly obsessed with his hair :)

We had to get up early on Monday for our visa appointment. Caleb did not sleep again. Well he sleeps if I am holding him, but I can't hold him all night. And we tried the co sleeping. I have never been a fan of it and it didn't work anyway he just wanted to play.

Our visa appointment went great. We didn't have to wait very long and when we left, we told Caleb he is a Maser and he is coming home and he started to laugh. I think he understood us ;) We were able to meet so many of the families that were caught up in this same mess we were. It was awesome seeing everyone with thier new children. We are all going to meet for dinner tomorrow night.

We then went site seeing around some beautiful mountains. It was just incredible. I must have taken a million pictures. Then we went shopping and then to lunch. We also stopped by the place where they harvest silk worms and make scarves. So amazing how they do it and I love how they don't waste anything. (I will show pictures when we get home) I of course had to get some more scarves :)

Caleb is now napping and hubby and I are enjoying our Kaldis that we took to go. We are having such an amazing time with our new son. He is such a joy! even when he is refusing to sleep!

Thank you all for your prayers!!!    I can't wait for you to meet our boy!

Caleb day#1

The plane ride from the US to Germany was no fun. We had bad turbulence pretty much the whole time and it didn't help that hubby kept saying the oxygen mask were going to fall any minute. When we arrived in Ethiopia everything went smooth. We even had all of our luggage!

It was so amazing pulling up to Providence again. It felt like coming home to family. I can't even explain how much we love and feel so comfortable in Ethiopia.

We slept really good last night. I think when you are on a plane for  almost 24 hours you will crash no matter how excited you are.

This morning we got up bright and early and had our driver take us to the House of Hope where our sweet Caleb was. We pulled up and were so excited to see Kati Foster, her hubby and their daughter Dagme. It was exciting because Kati was the first person to ever love on Caleb and tell him that he had a family waiting for him. Also Kati's daughter and Caleb's crib were right next to each other. We kept praying that we would get to meet in Ethiopia and God allowed that to happen. It was so awesome!

When they handed Caleb to us he cried. Wait til you see the pictures of our face and you won't blame him. We were beyond excited and it showed :) I calmed him down by rocking him and telling him that God had a plan for him and sometimes it seems scary,but that we were his parents and we have been praying for him for a long time.

He seemed scared and slowly started to warm up. He ended up falling asleep on me so when we said goodbye to all the nannies he wasn't awake. (we will be going back for a proper goodbye) it was really hard on the nannies to see him go. I was trying really hard not to cry. One nanny in particular took it hard. I have tons of pictures of her with Caleb and I told her that I would always tell him about her. I can tell they had a great relationship. I don't think she understood me, but I want Caleb to know and see how much these women loved him.

We left and went to Kaldis for a little celebration. Caleb was having so much fun, so we decided to do a little shopping and then went to lunch. He really started to warm up to us quickly and anytime someone came by him he would cling to me. He still loves his daddy and laughs like crazy at him. He loved being in the sling with me and still adores my hair. He likes it so much that he pulls it out. He cracks up when he does it, so I will let him :)

He loves the car and loves sticking his hand out the window.

We are at the guest house now and will be in for the rest of the day. We are all going to take a little nap. I can't wait for him to wake up so we can play some more :)

God is so good and I know that this whole journey is really just beginning for us. When we get home that is when it will get tough. He needs to learn and understand that we are his parents and we are the ones he can count on and feel safe with. That will take a long time, maybe even years. I am excited for this next chaper in our lives.

Thank you all for sharing in our joy!

Sorry there are no pictures. There won't be any until we get home. This is not my computer.

Tomorrow we are going to church and then who knows!

I can't wait for all my babies to be together, I think my heart will burst.


Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Falling on my knees..

                                Yesterday was one of many days that I will never forget.

Yesterday morning was rough for me. I woke up at 4 am and checked my phone for any emails from the USCIS and nothing. Then I checked our facebook board to see if anyone else heard anything and nothing. I began to get scared. or you can also say I was panicking :)  I had to be up early anyway for CC so I never went back to sleep.

I felt heavy and could barely get out of bed. When I got  in the shower I just lost it. I was on my knees crying  to God that I didn't know how I was going to keep going on. And then even just saying that out loud I was scared that God's plan was to give us an RFE so that He could show me  through Him I could go on.... See crazy mix of emotions.

I asked on Facebook for prayers because I needed them and I desperately needed to feel the Lord in a  big way.  After I spent sometime in prayer myself, I was feeling some peace and then headed to CC with my kiddos.

Every morning before we begin, all the CC tutors and leaders get together, hold hands, and pray. They all started to pray for me without evening knowing how horrible I was feeling and they all started asking the Lord to move this mountain and allow Caleb to come home now. I of course cried and this wave of peace came over me. I still wasn't sure if the Lord's plan was for us to have an RFE but even if it was, I was okay with it.

During class I have eight students and I was telling them that if I am not here next Tuesday it is because I will be in Africa finally picking up my son. The kids said  together, "Mrs. Maser, we are praying we don't see you next Tuesday."  It melted my heart!

I don't have my phone on while I am there and at around 11:30 I got a text from my friend asking if we cleared. Before I had time to answer I realized that I had several missed calls from my hubby, I called him and he yells " God did it!! We are getting our boy!." I burst into tears!! I could not believe it. I told the kids and  I ran out into the parking lot and hugged the first person I saw., (sorry poor Amie for scaring you ) and then my sweet friend Mary came running out screaming (someone thought a kid got hit by a car because she took off so fast) and before you know it we were all in shock (kids and adults) and praising the Lord together.

The funny thing about all of this craziness is that God really did give us the desires of our hearts.  If we would have picked up Caleb two months ago when we were suppose to, I would have had to leave him every Tuesday for CC. Hubby would have been with him, but I really was having a hard time thinking about leaving him.Plus tickets were so expensive that I would have had to fundraise again.  Also Hubby wanted so desperately to be the one that read the email this time. I am the one that had received everything first with this adoption and he wanted to be the one to tell me. I told him there would be no way because it always goes to my email and I have my phone.Another thing is, we really wanted to leave this Thursday so we could be with our boy on Thanksgiving. And look what God did!!!!  CC has a two month break coming up, Hubby hacked into my email account and found the email first, and we are leaving tomorrow to get our boy and we will be home with our whole family Thanksgiving night.  

Oh sweet Jesus, there are just no words!

I am going to be kissing this sweet face in 3 days and I will never stop!!

I can not thank you all enough for your continued prayers. There were so many of you texting me, emailing, facebooking, and letting me know you were praying. That is the body of Christ at work!!! Your prayers strengthen me when I didn't think I could go another day. Over and over again God gave me peace and Hope though all of your prayers. I will never be able to thank you for coming along side us, not judging my pain, but instead hurting with me and most of you I have never even met.  God is good and I am beyond thankful for each and every one of you!!

I bought this sling in June and in just a couple of days, I will finally be able to carry our boy in it!!

It has been over four long months since I last held our Caleb. I can not wait!!!!!!! Our kids are beyond excited to finally meet their little brother. Even they have been able to witness God's incredible faithfulness and power to say yes, when the world says no! Thank you Jesus!

 Thank you all so so much!!! I will be updating through facebook while we are gone. That seems to be the easier route. I will still blog while we are gone, I am just not sure if I will be able to publish it right away.


One more important thing....
If you all could please still pray for my dear friends who did get an RFE. They are hurting on a level that we can not comprehend. Praying that God would wrap His arms around them. And give them the strength that they will need to get through this next hurdle. Friends we love you and will not stop praying.


Oh and I am so thankful for family and friends (who are like family) that are going to  watch our kids while we are gone. The excitement that they have to watch them makes it so much easier for this momma to leave and get our boy! Another Blessing from the Lord,. Oh how undeserving we are!


For His Glory alone!

Embassy update

I don't know how to write this. This will be short, I will write more later.

We heard from the Embassy this morning and they are sending our case to Nairobi.

I can not even explain to you how much this hurts. The breath gets knocked out of you.

We have clothes that were washed and put away that probably won't fit him now, we have his bed all ready to go, the kids never stop talking about him, we never stop praying for him.  He is our boy and the Ethiopian government has legally said he was ours, but the US is making it more difficult.

We are not the only ones caught in this mess. There are hundreds of us. That means over a hundred children are stuck in orphanages, that have families to go home too. Don't get me wrong. It is VERY important that we make sure these children are truly orphans. And I believe to my core that Caleb is. All the documentation that the Embassy requested was turned in, but it wasn't enough. 

Where do we go from here? Well.... now we fight even more. This has always been a battle, a spiritual one. satan hates adoption and would love to see me crumble in a fetal position and not get our boy home. Though I am horribly sad and haven't stropped crying, I will fight until he is home. We will be contacting our senators today.

The good news is, that on November 7th. People from Nairobi will be in Ethiopia to look over the cases. We are still hopeful  that this will be taken care of soon.

There is always a bigger picture and this is not just about our boy. 

I can never thank you all enough for your prayers and support. Please don't stop.

God is still good and He is still on His throne. He is Faithful and WILL see this to completion. I trust Him and am resting (and crying) in His arms.

Praying BOLDLY!!

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego respond to Nebuchadnezzar, when they are facing the blazing furnace, with " Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of your hand." They finish it up with, " But if not, be it known to you that we will not serve your gods."

There is so much beauty in the fire, we just have to look in the right place.

We were resubmitted to the Embassy last week. We have not heard anything yet, but I feel like we will hear this week. I have this crazy, anxious, exciting, giddy, about to fall to my knees kind of Hope. I know just like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednogo did, that we serve a GREAT BIG GOD and  I know that even though everything points against us not to clear (since others have not) we know He can.

If it is His will, He will clear us and we will be on our way to get our boy at the end of this week or next week. On the other hand, just like Shadrach and the others said as well, if God chooses not to clear us right away I will still not bow down to their gods. You may read that and think what gods? Well, the gods of bitterness, rage, Etc.  Don't get me wrong, I will be sad, but I have to keep reminding myself. My fate does not lay in the hands of man, but in God and if He wants Caleb home now then he will be.

All I can do is make my requests known and boldly ask God (because I know that He can) move this mountain and clear us this time around so we can get our boy.

Pray with me!!

Also please pray for so many people who have had to wait longer then expected to get our kids home. This is hard and thankfully because of Jesus, we can do hard!

Father, ultimately I want your will, but if I don't ask for what my heart is all ready aching for, then where is my faith? Lord I know that you want Caleb home and you promised that this was our boy and that he would be home. I trust in your promises and I know you mean what you say. I am asking for you to move this mountain for not just us, but for so many people. Lord will you move in a BIG way and clear us this time? You are able to do far more then I can even imagine, you can deliver us from this uncertainty. You can say yes, when the world is saying no.  Whatever the outcome Lord, please help me to have peace if your answer is no, Please help me to glorify you in your answered prayers and also in your unanswered. Thank you Jesus for allowing me to come to you with any request. Thank you for making your presence known and giving me peace in a time of uncertainty. It's in Jesus name that I pray. AMEN!


Trusting and Believing,

Personal Trainers

I am so blessed to have my own personal trainers. 

You are welcome to borrow them if you would like ;)

Oh and yes, they are free, but you might have to give them a treat when you are done.

Whew! I could use a nap!

Have a blessed day!!!

Hope in the dark

The last couple of weeks for us have been tough. I thought about how I would share this or if I was even going too, but the more I prayed the more God told me that I should. I have always been an open book. I absolutely love when people are vulnerable, letting their walls down for even a second, because it is then that God is truly Glorified.  And That is what I want my life to bring, Glory to the King.

A couple of weeks ago I got really sick. At first we thought it was just a cold and then when it didn't go away I started to think I could be pregnant. I didn't tell anyone, not even hubby. He didn't even think about that possibility because...well... we were using things to prevent that. After the sickness didn't go away I decided to to take a test and yep, I was pregnant.

Hubby was excited. I on the other hand was a whole mix of emotions. I knew that even though the doctors say I could still have children , I really didn't want to walk that road again of losing another child and having to go through all of that again.

We decided not to tell anyone.

A couple weeks went by and I was pretty far along from the last time I lost our other babies and so I got excited. We got excited thinking Caleb was going to be a big brother. We were joking that we could tell everyone when we got off the plane with him wearing a "Big Brother" shirt.  And then it happened. I started bleeding.

A couple of days after that, I was supervising my girls taking a shower in my bathroom and then I had this horrible pain rush over me and I just knew something was wrong. I kicked the girls out in the nicest way possible ( they had no clue) and then the baby came out. Sorry for the horrible details, but I want you to know that this was not easy. I was only about 9 weeks along so it was a tiny, tiny, little thing, but a baby none the less.

Hubby rushed home and I was just devastated. Really Lord? Again?? I didn't even ask for this and again?? Really????

As I was sitting there with my hubby holding that little baby in my hand I looked up and I could see the Lord all around me. I felt as though I was in this really dark place and then all of a sudden I could see the darkness around me and I was no longer in it. Yes, that quickly it happened. I was sad, but I was joyful and all I could say was  "thank you Jesus!" 

And then my heart grew heavy thinking of others that have gone through this and others that have been through so much unimaginable pain who don't have the Lord to walk it out with. Who can't look up from the dark place that they are in and see the light. It's scary and there is this sense of urgency that I feel to tell others about Him. Not because your life on this earth will be better, In fact it will most likely be worse, You will be met with more pain, more trials, less friends, but you will have Jesus to walk it out with you, you will have a real home, you will have real family. If only others knew, if only I would tell them, if only you would tell them, if only.......



We were at the beach today for a much needed family day and the skies were very wicked looking.  We were surrounded by dark skies, threatening to ruin our day. It was literally a circle around us.

But this is where we were, in the middle of the darkness......

Basking in the Light, running, playing, laughing. Enjoying what God has given us. It never did rain where we were. It stayed this way the whole day. The dark skies would get close, but  they would just circle us. And I was reminded again.......



        
                               Jesus is our Hope that brings us out of the dark.

Tell someone.... Anyone... 


Please don't feel sorry for us. That was not my intention of sharing. We have four precious babies in Heaven, five precious babies here and we get to walk out this crazy, sometimes painful life with our King by our side.... Oh how blessed we are. 

"Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this Grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the Glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces Hope and Hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts though the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

             Romans5:2-5

It will soon end in JOY!

"Jesus told His disciples that it was God's will for Him to be arrested. He went willingly when the solders came to take Him, but enthusiastic, loving Peter raised his sword and cut off a solders ear. "Put  your sword away," Jesus commands. "Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?" 
I am Peter.
I have my own time frame. When I don't see things happening, I try to make them happen. and Jesus says "Put away your sword, put away your plans. Shall we not do what the Father has asked of us?"
                                                                ~Katie Davis (Kisses from Katie)


This week I have been met with a lot of pain. Physically and emotionally. I hate that it takes that for me to truly seek His face.

I have had to let go of a time frame for getting our boy home. I thought I did, but then I noticed when the weekends would come and I knew that I would defiantly not hear anything , is when I felt like I could breathe. And then on Monday, I would get back to my anxious emotions and all the "what- ifs"   That is not letting go and it is definitely not God honoring.

The kind of person that I was becoming, the kind of mother, wife was not God honoring and it certainly revealed my lack of Faith. How quickly the Faith that helps us to stand firm is the first thing we throw out the window when something happens that we didn't plan for.

I am Peter.

I could not have read that at a better time.



I pray all the time for my hubby's heart. For the Lord to guard it against so many earthly things. I have come to realize that I don't pray those things for myself. I don't ask God to guard my heart from gossip, from complaining, from anger, bitterness, jealousy, from..... me.  I am always up for praying for things that I want or that I think God would want me to say, but don't actually pour my heart out to Him. I don't say "Lord, I don't know how much more I can take. Just when I think you have finally given me peace about Caleb you throw something else more painful in the mix. Lord , I need you to help me seek you. I need you to help me to lay myself before you. I don't always want to and I don't always know how to . But you can show me. You can teach me, You can engrave it on my heart. To seek you first, to cry out to you in frustration, pain, sadness, joyfulness first." Yet, I don't ask.

Try it...

He is asking you to put down your sword.......


He wants to show you that its not about Him and this:

It is all about Jesus and nothing else:

I want to allow Him to do the work in me. I want to allow Him to fill the void of me missing so much of my son. But I can't. He can...

All I have to do is let Him.

To put down my sword!



A dear friend gave me this last week and I have not stopped listening to it. I pray that it brings you comfort in whatever you are struggling with.

Really listen to the lyrics.


                                     Put down your sword, It will soon end in JOY!!!

Just a little some thing...

Our week has been crazy. It is even harder when I am not feeling well and unfortunately I have been in bed most of the time.

Believe it or not. I still got a lot accomplished and not only that, but God has been so gracious to open my eyes just a little this week to how I have been behaving.



My caring kids who hate when I am not feeling well (it happens a lot) but they jump at the chance to try and make me feel better.

My little one "reading" to me while I am in bed.

School has been nothing short of a miracle. I say this because every year I am super stressed and am always wondering if I am doing enough or to much. But so far this year, I have just been taking it one day at a time and accomplishing what we can. It has been fun!!
Also our little Jacob has a hard time holding his pencil and some other things that have been going on. We found out that he has low muscle tone. We have been doing exercises with him and there has been a drastic change in such a short period of time. I wish I had a picture of a "before" the way he would hold his pencil and work. But here is the "after" :)

Working hard on their school work.

Our dinner conversations are crazy. My family is a bunch a funny, off the wall crazy people. I don't know how else to put it.They make me laugh and hubby is always the one who starts it.  Most people do bible study at their table, or listen to music, we make each other laugh so hard that sometimes it is hard to eat.  We always have this thing where anytime Jacob gets up from the table, hubby will add food to his plate. He constantly gets up. The other night we had mashed potatoes and when he got up we all put the rest of ours on his plate.  but this time we decided to make a snow man out of the food. His face was priceless when he sat back down. I wish I would have gotten a picture. We all never laughed so hard! I would share the conversations that we have but I don't want to embarrass myself ;) 

Our master piece.

Today my daughter received her first pen pal letter in the mail. She was so excited. It was a blessing because I never had them start theirs like I promised :/  so this made us all excited and they got to work right away!

Who needs a table when you have a perfectly good floor.

It is so fun getting mail. I am excited when everyone starts writing them back. Maybe they will be lifelong friends :)


Tomorrow is our cutie pie (at some point I am going to have to stop calling him that) Jacob's 5th Birthday!!!

He is so stinkin cute!!

Jacob is our little comedian and will do anything to make you laugh.  He is also super affectionate and a joy to be around.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY My precious boy!! I am beyond blessed to be your mother!!!!





A lot has happened this week, some I can't share just yet. No it has nothing to do with Caleb, we are still waiting. One thing that God has laid so heavy on my heart is, that this is where He has me. By this I mean everything that is being thrown or not thrown my way. I am learning what it means to have a heart of gratitude, joy. Nothing is ever promised and when I get to Heaven and stand before my King I don't want to have a complaining heart, I want to be able to say "Thank you Lord for putting me in that pit, for throwing us an awesome curve ball, for blessing us in ways that we never even appreciated, for trusting us with so much, for allowing me to be your servant, for helping me back up every time I fall"  I don't want to complain or whine, or want things to be different, because THIS IS EXACTLY HOW THE LORD WANTS IT.  And if I want His will, then this should be EXACTLY HOW I WANT IT. 

When it is to much.....

I have been feeling so many attacks lately. It is getting to the point where it is even consuming my sleep. I have been having horrible nightmares. Not even sure if I should call them nightmares, but whatever they are it is not good. I wake up feeling this huge burden over me. I wake up feeling attacked by the enemy, in a way I never have before. I wake up feeling completely helpless and all I want is for it to go away.

But then the Lord gently reminds me that I am suppose to feel helpless, because apart from Him I can do nothing.  And it's not until I finally let go of the reins that I can truly see Him.

If only I would let go.......


And then this morning I see my son playing with his army men and all I can think is.....

                          God is so much bigger then anything that this world throws at me.

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty, I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." For He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and a buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks the darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only look with your eyes and see the recompense of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place- The Most High, who is my refuge- no evil shall be allowed to befall you no plague come near your tent. For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the adder; the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot."

Psalm 91:1-13