Monday, November 29, 2010

But I can't....

Tonight I got to meet with some pretty fabulous ladies. We were all sharing how our childhoods were and what is the one thing that we struggled with back then that we still do today. Since I have tons of issues, I managed to narrow it down to one :D

I have a very low self esteem. I constantly put others above my self. Though that can be a good thing, mine would be more like a self destructive thing. I never felt good enough, I never felt like I can do anything right. Always felt like I was constantly being judged in a not so good of a way. Just never loved the person that I was.

When my now hubby first started courting me, I stood him up four times. I even gave him a list of all the reasons why he should not be with me. I knew that he was a good man and I kept telling him that I was bad for him, that I could never be the person that he deserved..... Obviously we fell in love despite all that and got married.

The day that I gave my life to the Lord. I mean really and truly, everything started to change. The Lord was and is still teaching me what love really means. How to love Him, others, and even myself.

I use to leave conversations and over analyze every little thing. What did I say? How did I sound? What are they thinking about me now?

Now it's, Did I glorify Jesus with my words? With my actions?

Don't get me wrong my flesh and my spirit fight all the time, sometimes I get hurt in the process, but I come out of it learning so much.

I know.... I know... I know that whatever it is He is asking me to do I can't fail or mess it up, because it's not about me anyways.
I honestly have to say myself everyday, Lord I can't do (fill in the blank) but you can. Help me Father.  
Trust me you can tell on the days that I don't say this.

What a glorious Father we have that He loves us despite our sinfulness.

Father, I  want you to use all of me to further Your Kingdom at any cost, I want to know You more and more every minute of every day that when I go to bed at night, I am not the same person that I was that morning. Father help me to be so far removed from this world that when people see me, they only see You. Lord, I know that I can't do ANYTHING, but Jesus you can. Help me Lord that when your Spirit convicts me I immediately fall on my knees and repent instead of allowing the guilt, that is not even from you, take over.  Jesus help me to love you infinitely more then anyone or anything. Help my heart to be only able to sing praises for you.  It's in your glorious name that I pray. Amen!


Friday, November 19, 2010

We are ALL called......

    I know that you have heard people say it a million times " We are not all called to adopt, but we are all called to help."  Though it is true and I have scripture to back it up, I wanted to share with you what it feels like when you come along side a family and you are not adopting yourself.

     Yes, I know I am but when our dear friends started their amazing journey we had no desire to adopt, we even prayed for it and God said no. When they first started to pray about whether this is what God wanted for their family, we prayed with them. When they sent in the paper work we felt their joy.

 We have been praying and helping with whatever we can to help bring home their daughter. It has been an incredible journey. I have felt the frustration with them, I have cried with them, I have rejoiced with them and now I get to see this amazing family with their new daughter.

 I am saying all this because I feel their joy, I feel their love and I feel so blessed that they would allow me to come along side them and walk this journey with them. So many adopting families (including myself) want nothing more then to have a group of people praying for us and supporting us, whether that means encouraging words, financially, spreading the word, meals when they come home, more prayer. Anything!!

I truly believe with all that I am that we are ALL called to be apart of the orphan crisis. That doesn't mean just adoption. There are children out there that can be sponsored so that they can stay with their parents and go to school. Their are children in the foster care system who need a safe, loving place to stay.There are people who are adopting that need people like you to come along side them.

There are 147 Million orphans in this world and rising. Christians should be the first ones in line to help dwindle that number. I understand that money is tight. Believe me I do. But I highly doubt that when  you get to Heaven God is going to tell you that you shouldn't have spent so much money on those that have less then you, you should have enjoyed it for yourself. There is ALWAYS something that we can give up to help those that can not help themselves.

I am crying tears of joy as I write this, but here is sweet Abby Lynne. The one we have been praying for, the one we have been blessed to be able to come along side. Can not wait to love on this precious girl. This sweet child is no longer an orphan <3. Jesus THANK YOU for allowing me to be apart of her story. Thank you Jesus for working through so many people to help bring her home.

You can go over to The Walser's Blog    to see more. Amazing!!

One more thing. I promise you that by coming alongside a family you will be blessed more then they would be. You will get to be apart of something so amazing that words  can not describe, but more importantly you will learn and you will see that this life, this world, and these children are not about you at all!

To God be the glory!!!!!!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Come, let us walk in the light of the Lord.

    I have a hard time asking for and excepting  help. Ask my friend Rachel she knows all about it. :D... It's not a pride thing (well, all sin really boils down to pride) it's more of a "I don't want to play that card until I really really need it" kind of thing. I would even say that with my pregnancy, "I don't want to play my pregnancy card until I really really need it".

 The Lord has shown me that I also don't play the "Jesus card" until I really really need it. As if my friends willingness to help me will run out, I wonder if I treat Jesus, the King of Kings, the Lord Almighty the same way. Do I treat Jesus as if His willingness to love me, to help me, to guide me, to protect me will run out? I would like to say no, but then I wouldn't be truthful.

  I have the tendency to "try" and fix my circumstances, my suffering, or whatever I may be going through myself. Then when whatever I do causes everything to get worse (which it ALWAYS does) then I throw out the Jesus card. As if He is my last resort. Is this really how I treat the creator of the world? As a last resort?

  This is something that I have struggled with for years. A couple of years ago, if I was going through what I am going through now there would be no way that I would even be standing. What has changed? Well, I let go and I stopped boxing in my Savior. I stopped trying to do everything myself. I started seeking Him first. Not always, but I try.  I know that I am His daughter, I know that He loves me and that will never change. I know that my circumstances DO NOT DEFINE WHO I AM! I am His.

  Please don't take this as I have everything figured out and now I am perfect. Ummmm far from it. Just spend 5 minutes with me and you will agree that I am a mess, okay a huge mess. But He is not! I am not strong, but He is! I can't do any of what He has called me to do, but He can through me! I will always resort to some of my old ways, but He won't let me stay there.

 When hubby and I  really truly gave our lives and our marriage over to Christ over 8 years ago, I remember praying that he would be the leader in our home that I so desperately needed. I would pray for that every single day. Do you know what God would say to me? " I will take care of your hubby, let's focus on you and what YOU should be doing and/or not doing."  OUCH! God had to really break me in a way that I never imagined, but desperately needed. It was and still is painful. He is still breaking me! God went above my expectations of what I thought I needed. Hubby has been talking about the Lord placing it on his heart to be a pastor somewhere overseas, but never really owned up to it. Would not really tell other people.  Now hubby is really feeling the call to be a pastor and is on fire for it.  Though I encourage Him and am praying for him and I will honestly  follow him anywhere, the one thing I kept saying over and over again in my head (okay, maybe out loud too) was " I do not want to be a pastors wife!" If you knew me I think you would see where I was coming from. I know what I am capable of. I know that I am broken and that if I am not actively seeking God then I will mess everything up. Know what God said to me? " Then actively seek Me. Abide in Me. You can't do this, but I can."

 I love how our hearts will constantly change, but He never does. When you hear the words " A child has been given to us" or " He died for our sins." You should be changed. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. You should not be numb to those words, you should not listen to someone preaching and walk out of there saying " I all ready know this story." If your heart and your life are not constantly, every minute of everyday being changed by the Gospel and the Knowledge and the Love of who Jesus is and what He did for you then you need to get on your knees and actively seek Him.

 I pray that He never stops disciplining me, that He never stops giving me that tough love.  I need Him, I want Him!! Do you know the reason why I love my hubby so much, it's  because I see Jesus in Him. No he is not perfect, but the fact that he loves Jesus more then me and the fact that he wants nothing more then to share the Gospel with everyone he sees, makes me fall more and more in love with him. Makes me want that kind of a relationship with the Lord too. It encourages me. I love being able to talk to him about Jesus, because this life really has nothing to do with us. It's all about Jesus. If you don't know that, if you don't believe that, then you don't know Jesus.

My pastor spoke of this last night. I have had these verses circled in my bible for years. By it I have written the words "My prayer." I stopped praying that, not on purpose, I am sure something got in the way. Oh yeah, me! I want to start praying it again not just for me, but for you as well.

The God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which He has called you, what are the riches of His glorious saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of His power towards us who believe. Ephesians1:17-19

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


 The holidays are just around the corner and we have decided to have a HUGE SALE!!! Our beautiful necklaces have been discounted. Make sure you buy them now, they will only be at this price for a short time.

Our amazing Ethiopian 25cent coin necklaces.

This necklace features an authentic Ethiopian twenty five cent coin set in a silver toned bezel on a braided, genuine leather cord. One side of the coin bears the Lion of Judah symbol, which dates to the visit of Queen Sheba to Solomon (960 b.c.). The other side features a man and woman in a celebratory pose with the numbers 2 & 5 on either side of them.

The leather cord is 18" long and the pendant is approximately 1" in diameter.

Our beautiful fair trade glass beads and silver necklace. So long it can be doubled!

This necklace is made of glass trade beads accented with metal beads from Africa. The Ethiopian flag is green, red, and yellow. I added in the blue after seeing it in so much of the traditional jewelry. Both the metal and glass beads are fair trade. The necklace measure approximately 442” in circumference and can easily be doubled up.
Since these are handmade, no two are alike. 

The necklaces can be shipped immediately and you can order them to the right!

We also still have our ADOPTION shirts. These however would be a presale. I would like to know if there is any interest in these and then we would be happy to order more. We love them and also love that there is no specific country, we are ALL adopted. 

Here are the fabulous shirts:
Men's front
Men's back

Women's front
Women's back

 I also have the woman's shirt in the same color as the men's. The woman's and the men's fit very true to size. Please email me and let me know if there is any interest.  These shirts would be discounted. They would $23 including shipping!

Thank you all for looking and happy shopping!!!!!!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Our Story.... Part 2

  In January of this year, some families from our church were going on a mission trip to Ethiopia. I wanted to go so bad. I very strongly felt like the Lord wanted me to go, but I was not able to. I committed to praying for them every single day til they got back. Not a quick prayer, but a true on my knees, had to make time for it, kind of prayer. What I didn't know was that God had other plans for my prayer time, He was breaking my heart for Africa. I had never felt this way before, every single time I prayed, I cried. It felt like I was there with them, feeling what they felt, seeing what they saw. I had no idea what they were doing and I hadn't even seen any pictures. But God is bigger then that and that 10 days of prayer changed my life forever. I loved Ethiopia, without even having to step foot there. My heart was there and I just knew God was calling us there.

  Hubby would go around seeing babies and saying "look honey." and he would constantly talk about wanting me to have another baby. He said when I'm ready we could try again. I finally had to tell him to stop showing me babies. I know it was not his intention, but I felt like I could not give him what his heart desired. as a wife it killed me. I told hubby that I believe we are meant to adopt right now, He said he didn't feel the same way, but that he would continue to pray about it.

  My heart would not stop aching for Ethiopia and God kept telling me to be patient. I even started this blog knowing in my heart that we would be adopting one day.

  In February of this year we went on our first real family vacation to the Smokey Mountains. It was incredible, God had His hand in all of it. It snowed the whole time we were there (none of us had ever really seen it) and we got to go sledding. It was just amazing. The best part was as a family we got to spend time with Jesus with absolutely NO distractions. Hubby and I even got to journal a lot. We had time to talk and reflect on everything. He even brought up adoption and told me that he wanted to, but couldn't get the idea of a brand new infant out of his head. He said that God would have to take away that desire and wasn't sure if He would. I didn't want to adopt if my hubby was not broken for it. We needed to be in this together, so I told him I would wait and I knew with all my heart that God would take away that desire and replace it with a better one.

  We never really talked about it again. We prayed about it all the time, but I didn't bring it up anymore. I didn't want to be the one to influence his decision. I wanted it to be all from God.

 Towards the end of March, we got home from Church (we go at night) and put the kids in bed. We were getting ready to watch a movie. I was making coffee and hubby comes into the kitchen with a serious look on his face. I thought something was wrong. He told me (and I will never forget) that He was disobeying the Lord, that He could no longer deny what God was asking us to do. That we had a child in Ethiopia that was meant to be a Maser and he was ready to start the journey to get our son. I balled like a baby.

 Hubby's heart has changed so much since that day that he is all ready planning on going back to get our daughter. He even feels that the Lord is going to move us their permanently. Love how God works.

 We told our kids the next morning and they were beyond thrilled.  Ever since that day, they have been praying every night for their brother.

Our journey started out with us wanting to add to our family, but it has turned into so much more. Our eyes have been opened to the orphan crisis in a way that it never was before. Our hearts are broken for a country that we have never stepped foot in. We have put our faith in the Lord to provide and bring our little man home in a way that we never did with our pregnancies. We feel so blessed and honored that we get to be this little boys parents.

 It's funny how when you go through such pain you can't see how one day you will be grateful for it. I can honestly say that I am. I am thankful that I have three precious babies with Jesus, I am grateful that in my most painful moments I never lost sight of the one who had something so much bigger planned for our family. I am thankful that one day soon, we will step foot in a country that has our heart and we will hold our precious boy. I am thankful that as a family we all got to experience the hurt, but more importantly we all get to experience His joy.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Our story... Part 1

 Sunday November 7 is Orphan Sunday, as I have been reflecting on our journey so far I realized that I never really shared on our blog, how the Lord directed our family towards adoption.It's very personal, but the Lord says it's time to share.  Forgive me, I am not very good at blogging. :)

    When Jon and I first got married I asked him if he would ever consider adoption. He said yes and didn't care what race. I wanted to be a mom so bad and I wanted to make sure that he wouldn't care if I didn't have them. We never really talked about it again.

   We have known so many people that have adopted, we have always supported them, but never felt led ourselves. I actually had it on my heart to be a foster mom and if I was called to adopt through that then I would. My grandma was a foster mother and so was my sister. I believe to my core that if we could share the love of Christ with the kids that were put in our home, no matter how long they were here, then it would remain with them forever. Hubby agreed, but the Lord never gave us the green light to move forward.

  Over a year and a half ago, hubby had it on his heart to add to our family. So we started to try. During that time, two of our good friends put in applications to adopt. We had them over for dinner one night and they were jokingly saying "Now it's your turn." We both loved adoption,  I felt like God was telling me that He would be leading our family to this, but My hubby felt like God was leading us to something different. So we prayed about it and decided that now was not the time and we would just support our friends through prayer and whatever else we could.

  When I finally got pregnant we were so happy, but  I lost the baby a week later. I ended up getting pregnant again right away. I was scared. I thought it was to soon and I didn't want to have another miscarriage. God kept telling me this time was going to be different. Boy, was He right! I started bleeding around 7 weeks. I just knew... The doctors kept doing ultrasounds and the baby was fine and even growing. They kept telling me that even though I was bleeding it would be fine. I was trying to trust, but I just knew. At 10 weeks on a Monday I went in for an ultrasound and the baby had died. They wanted to do a DandC but I couldn't. Not that I think it's wrong, I just didn't want to have surgery. I went home and just cried. Then all of a sudden the pain came and I had the baby at home. I want to make this very clear for those that are for abortion. This was not some cells or whatever you want to call it. This was a baby. A smaller version then what most people deliver, but he has a face, hands, nail, eyes, heart, legs, everything. .... We went back to the doctors and as soon as we got to the parking lot I started to Hemorrage. It got so bad that I had to be rushed to the hospital to have the surgery that I never wanted. The nurse was there and she started crying over me as I was laying there and she began to pray and pray.  I feel to this day that she must have been an angel ( even though by doing that, it scared my hubby) I never saw her again.

  I remember waking up from the surgery and I said to another nurse who was there that I was blessed because I had two babies in heaven. She looked at me like I was crazy and I just kind of  went numb. The next couple of days after all this happened was really hard. I wanted to mourn, but wouldn't allow myself. I kept feeling that Jesus is enough and if I believed that then I wouldn't let it destroy me. The Lord gave me a verse that to this day is one of  my favorites. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2Corinthians 12:9-10  He also told me that it was okay to mourn and that He wanted me to and that He would be right there with me mourning as well. With all my pain, and broken heart I still felt peace from the Lord. I needed Jesus, He was the only one that could bring me the peace and comfort that I needed. So I laid in bed for two days crying off and on and reading the bible and praying, praying and praying. I would also like to point out that I never had to share this burden alone. My hubby was perfect and we also had amazing  people who took great care of us and prayed for us. We felt them and we needed them.

 We buried our little one ( we believe he was a boy) in our yard and planted a butterfly garden.Our kids didn't know that our baby was buried there, but they knew it was in memory of our baby who is now with Jesus. 
The hospital wanted us to "turn him in" so they could try to see what went wrong. But that was my child, we could not do that, plus we didn't need to know what went wrong. We know that if God wanted us to raise that little baby here on earth then we would have. 

 I ended up getting pregnant again. I know what you must be thinking,.trust me, we were thinking it as well.  We were actually preventing that from happening. The doctors said that it still can happen anyway because your hormones are all messed up and highly fertile. Wish they would have told us that sooner. We didn't tell anybody and we lost that baby as well. We were probably about 6 weeks. Doctors said that we never would have known if we wouldn't have gone to the doctors. Still, it killed me. I was so angry that this kept happening, I couldn't understand why I had four babies, yet I couldn't have anymore. I couldn't understand why God would put something so strongly on our hearts and not give it to us. I cried out to the Lord and begged Him not to let me go through his anymore. I begged Him to help me trust in His promises and His will for my life. Crazy thing was, is that I did trust Him and I knew that He had something so much bigger then we ever thought.

This is when hubby was making the butterfly garden.

This is it now. The Lord has blessed it. We kill everything.

Since people say not to go long on blogs, I will write more later.......To be continued.........