Thursday, October 27, 2011

Embassy update

I don't know how to write this. This will be short, I will write more later.

We heard from the Embassy this morning and they are sending our case to Nairobi.

I can not even explain to you how much this hurts. The breath gets knocked out of you.

We have clothes that were washed and put away that probably won't fit him now, we have his bed all ready to go, the kids never stop talking about him, we never stop praying for him.  He is our boy and the Ethiopian government has legally said he was ours, but the US is making it more difficult.

We are not the only ones caught in this mess. There are hundreds of us. That means over a hundred children are stuck in orphanages, that have families to go home too. Don't get me wrong. It is VERY important that we make sure these children are truly orphans. And I believe to my core that Caleb is. All the documentation that the Embassy requested was turned in, but it wasn't enough. 

Where do we go from here? Well.... now we fight even more. This has always been a battle, a spiritual one. satan hates adoption and would love to see me crumble in a fetal position and not get our boy home. Though I am horribly sad and haven't stropped crying, I will fight until he is home. We will be contacting our senators today.

The good news is, that on November 7th. People from Nairobi will be in Ethiopia to look over the cases. We are still hopeful  that this will be taken care of soon.

There is always a bigger picture and this is not just about our boy. 

I can never thank you all enough for your prayers and support. Please don't stop.

God is still good and He is still on His throne. He is Faithful and WILL see this to completion. I trust Him and am resting (and crying) in His arms.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Praying BOLDLY!!

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego respond to Nebuchadnezzar, when they are facing the blazing furnace, with " Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of your hand." They finish it up with, " But if not, be it known to you that we will not serve your gods."

There is so much beauty in the fire, we just have to look in the right place.

We were resubmitted to the Embassy last week. We have not heard anything yet, but I feel like we will hear this week. I have this crazy, anxious, exciting, giddy, about to fall to my knees kind of Hope. I know just like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednogo did, that we serve a GREAT BIG GOD and  I know that even though everything points against us not to clear (since others have not) we know He can.

If it is His will, He will clear us and we will be on our way to get our boy at the end of this week or next week. On the other hand, just like Shadrach and the others said as well, if God chooses not to clear us right away I will still not bow down to their gods. You may read that and think what gods? Well, the gods of bitterness, rage, Etc.  Don't get me wrong, I will be sad, but I have to keep reminding myself. My fate does not lay in the hands of man, but in God and if He wants Caleb home now then he will be.

All I can do is make my requests known and boldly ask God (because I know that He can) move this mountain and clear us this time around so we can get our boy.

Pray with me!!

Also please pray for so many people who have had to wait longer then expected to get our kids home. This is hard and thankfully because of Jesus, we can do hard!

Father, ultimately I want your will, but if I don't ask for what my heart is all ready aching for, then where is my faith? Lord I know that you want Caleb home and you promised that this was our boy and that he would be home. I trust in your promises and I know you mean what you say. I am asking for you to move this mountain for not just us, but for so many people. Lord will you move in a BIG way and clear us this time? You are able to do far more then I can even imagine, you can deliver us from this uncertainty. You can say yes, when the world is saying no.  Whatever the outcome Lord, please help me to have peace if your answer is no, Please help me to glorify you in your answered prayers and also in your unanswered. Thank you Jesus for allowing me to come to you with any request. Thank you for making your presence known and giving me peace in a time of uncertainty. It's in Jesus name that I pray. AMEN!

Trusting and Believing,

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Personal Trainers

I am so blessed to have my own personal trainers. 

You are welcome to borrow them if you would like ;)

Oh and yes, they are free, but you might have to give them a treat when you are done.

Whew! I could use a nap!

Have a blessed day!!!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Hope in the dark

The last couple of weeks for us have been tough. I thought about how I would share this or if I was even going too, but the more I prayed the more God told me that I should. I have always been an open book. I absolutely love when people are vulnerable, letting their walls down for even a second, because it is then that God is truly Glorified.  And That is what I want my life to bring, Glory to the King.

A couple of weeks ago I got really sick. At first we thought it was just a cold and then when it didn't go away I started to think I could be pregnant. I didn't tell anyone, not even hubby. He didn't even think about that possibility because...well... we were using things to prevent that. After the sickness didn't go away I decided to to take a test and yep, I was pregnant.

Hubby was excited. I on the other hand was a whole mix of emotions. I knew that even though the doctors say I could still have children , I really didn't want to walk that road again of losing another child and having to go through all of that again.

We decided not to tell anyone.

A couple weeks went by and I was pretty far along from the last time I lost our other babies and so I got excited. We got excited thinking Caleb was going to be a big brother. We were joking that we could tell everyone when we got off the plane with him wearing a "Big Brother" shirt.  And then it happened. I started bleeding.

A couple of days after that, I was supervising my girls taking a shower in my bathroom and then I had this horrible pain rush over me and I just knew something was wrong. I kicked the girls out in the nicest way possible ( they had no clue) and then the baby came out. Sorry for the horrible details, but I want you to know that this was not easy. I was only about 9 weeks along so it was a tiny, tiny, little thing, but a baby none the less.

Hubby rushed home and I was just devastated. Really Lord? Again?? I didn't even ask for this and again?? Really????

As I was sitting there with my hubby holding that little baby in my hand I looked up and I could see the Lord all around me. I felt as though I was in this really dark place and then all of a sudden I could see the darkness around me and I was no longer in it. Yes, that quickly it happened. I was sad, but I was joyful and all I could say was  "thank you Jesus!" 

And then my heart grew heavy thinking of others that have gone through this and others that have been through so much unimaginable pain who don't have the Lord to walk it out with. Who can't look up from the dark place that they are in and see the light. It's scary and there is this sense of urgency that I feel to tell others about Him. Not because your life on this earth will be better, In fact it will most likely be worse, You will be met with more pain, more trials, less friends, but you will have Jesus to walk it out with you, you will have a real home, you will have real family. If only others knew, if only I would tell them, if only you would tell them, if only.......

We were at the beach today for a much needed family day and the skies were very wicked looking.  We were surrounded by dark skies, threatening to ruin our day. It was literally a circle around us.

But this is where we were, in the middle of the darkness......

Basking in the Light, running, playing, laughing. Enjoying what God has given us. It never did rain where we were. It stayed this way the whole day. The dark skies would get close, but  they would just circle us. And I was reminded again.......

                               Jesus is our Hope that brings us out of the dark.

Tell someone.... Anyone... 

Please don't feel sorry for us. That was not my intention of sharing. We have four precious babies in Heaven, five precious babies here and we get to walk out this crazy, sometimes painful life with our King by our side.... Oh how blessed we are. 

"Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this Grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the Glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces Hope and Hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts though the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

Friday, October 7, 2011

It will soon end in JOY!

"Jesus told His disciples that it was God's will for Him to be arrested. He went willingly when the solders came to take Him, but enthusiastic, loving Peter raised his sword and cut off a solders ear. "Put  your sword away," Jesus commands. "Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?" 
I am Peter.
I have my own time frame. When I don't see things happening, I try to make them happen. and Jesus says "Put away your sword, put away your plans. Shall we not do what the Father has asked of us?"
                                                                ~Katie Davis (Kisses from Katie)

This week I have been met with a lot of pain. Physically and emotionally. I hate that it takes that for me to truly seek His face.

I have had to let go of a time frame for getting our boy home. I thought I did, but then I noticed when the weekends would come and I knew that I would defiantly not hear anything , is when I felt like I could breathe. And then on Monday, I would get back to my anxious emotions and all the "what- ifs"   That is not letting go and it is definitely not God honoring.

The kind of person that I was becoming, the kind of mother, wife was not God honoring and it certainly revealed my lack of Faith. How quickly the Faith that helps us to stand firm is the first thing we throw out the window when something happens that we didn't plan for.

I am Peter.

I could not have read that at a better time.

I pray all the time for my hubby's heart. For the Lord to guard it against so many earthly things. I have come to realize that I don't pray those things for myself. I don't ask God to guard my heart from gossip, from complaining, from anger, bitterness, jealousy, from..... me.  I am always up for praying for things that I want or that I think God would want me to say, but don't actually pour my heart out to Him. I don't say "Lord, I don't know how much more I can take. Just when I think you have finally given me peace about Caleb you throw something else more painful in the mix. Lord , I need you to help me seek you. I need you to help me to lay myself before you. I don't always want to and I don't always know how to . But you can show me. You can teach me, You can engrave it on my heart. To seek you first, to cry out to you in frustration, pain, sadness, joyfulness first." Yet, I don't ask.

Try it...

He is asking you to put down your sword.......

He wants to show you that its not about Him and this:

It is all about Jesus and nothing else:

I want to allow Him to do the work in me. I want to allow Him to fill the void of me missing so much of my son. But I can't. He can...

All I have to do is let Him.

To put down my sword!

A dear friend gave me this last week and I have not stopped listening to it. I pray that it brings you comfort in whatever you are struggling with.

Really listen to the lyrics.

                                     Put down your sword, It will soon end in JOY!!!