God never wastes anything. I believe that because scripture states it. (Isaiah 55:11) But there have been so many times in our walk over the last couple of years where I am asking the Lord " what are you doing?"
Let me explain.
Years ago, God put it on our hearts that we would be serving in another country, We have been to the airport a million times to send people off and for us God says "No, not your time."
With our last couple of pregnancies, God said "No, not your time."
With this adoption. He has many times said no. If we would have asked for a girl, we would all ready have had our referral a month ago, but God said "No, I have a boy picked out for you."
Then over the last month we have been fighting with all that we had and then some for a precious boy who is on the waiting list, meaning he is just sitting there for a family. God is the one the drew us to this almost 4 year old. God is the one that said fight for him and yet in the end we were met with more No's then I can count. Ultimately it was not His will.
Our hearts have been opened for whatever God wants. Older, younger, domestic, Africa, yet God just keeps saying "wait, I have the boy for you."
I know that everything that we go through is for our transformation. I know that one day we will finally hear those words that we have been longing to hear.
But this waiting has been hard. Well over a year on this journey to our boy and it is hard. The waiting the hearing the No's never leaves you. I may have peace about it most of the time, but it's still there. You get to a point where you feel like you have been forgotten about, you get to a point where you feel like it will never happen, you get to a point where you start asking the Lord "What am I missing?"
Yet He keeps saying, "Keep waiting, keeping your eyes on Me. I have great plans for your family and a special little boy that was picked to be a Maser."
I just want whatever the Lord wants and so waiting is where I will be, keeping my eyes fixed on Him, longing to hear a Yes! and trusting that His timing is ALWAYS perfect.