In January of this year, some families from our church were going on a mission trip to Ethiopia. I wanted to go so bad. I very strongly felt like the Lord wanted me to go, but I was not able to. I committed to praying for them every single day til they got back. Not a quick prayer, but a true on my knees, had to make time for it, kind of prayer. What I didn't know was that God had other plans for my prayer time, He was breaking my heart for Africa. I had never felt this way before, every single time I prayed, I cried. It felt like I was there with them, feeling what they felt, seeing what they saw. I had no idea what they were doing and I hadn't even seen any pictures. But God is bigger then that and that 10 days of prayer changed my life forever. I loved Ethiopia, without even having to step foot there. My heart was there and I just knew God was calling us there.
Hubby would go around seeing babies and saying "look honey." and he would constantly talk about wanting me to have another baby. He said when I'm ready we could try again. I finally had to tell him to stop showing me babies. I know it was not his intention, but I felt like I could not give him what his heart desired. as a wife it killed me. I told hubby that I believe we are meant to adopt right now, He said he didn't feel the same way, but that he would continue to pray about it.
My heart would not stop aching for Ethiopia and God kept telling me to be patient. I even started this blog knowing in my heart that we would be adopting one day.
In February of this year we went on our first real family vacation to the Smokey Mountains. It was incredible, God had His hand in all of it. It snowed the whole time we were there (none of us had ever really seen it) and we got to go sledding. It was just amazing. The best part was as a family we got to spend time with Jesus with absolutely NO distractions. Hubby and I even got to journal a lot. We had time to talk and reflect on everything. He even brought up adoption and told me that he wanted to, but couldn't get the idea of a brand new infant out of his head. He said that God would have to take away that desire and wasn't sure if He would. I didn't want to adopt if my hubby was not broken for it. We needed to be in this together, so I told him I would wait and I knew with all my heart that God would take away that desire and replace it with a better one.
We never really talked about it again. We prayed about it all the time, but I didn't bring it up anymore. I didn't want to be the one to influence his decision. I wanted it to be all from God.
Towards the end of March, we got home from Church (we go at night) and put the kids in bed. We were getting ready to watch a movie. I was making coffee and hubby comes into the kitchen with a serious look on his face. I thought something was wrong. He told me (and I will never forget) that He was disobeying the Lord, that He could no longer deny what God was asking us to do. That we had a child in Ethiopia that was meant to be a Maser and he was ready to start the journey to get our son. I balled like a baby.
Hubby's heart has changed so much since that day that he is all ready planning on going back to get our daughter. He even feels that the Lord is going to move us their permanently. Love how God works.
We told our kids the next morning and they were beyond thrilled. Ever since that day, they have been praying every night for their brother.
Our journey started out with us wanting to add to our family, but it has turned into so much more. Our eyes have been opened to the orphan crisis in a way that it never was before. Our hearts are broken for a country that we have never stepped foot in. We have put our faith in the Lord to provide and bring our little man home in a way that we never did with our pregnancies. We feel so blessed and honored that we get to be this little boys parents.
It's funny how when you go through such pain you can't see how one day you will be grateful for it. I can honestly say that I am. I am thankful that I have three precious babies with Jesus, I am grateful that in my most painful moments I never lost sight of the one who had something so much bigger planned for our family. I am thankful that one day soon, we will step foot in a country that has our heart and we will hold our precious boy. I am thankful that as a family we all got to experience the hurt, but more importantly we all get to experience His joy.