Saturday, May 15, 2010

Asking to much?

            Today more then a billion people in the world live and die in desperate poverty. They attempt to survive on less then a dollar a day. Close to two billion others live on less than two dollars a day. That is nearly half the world struggling to find food, water, and shelter with the same amount of money I use to buy a cup of coffee. How can I sit here and not be ashamed of wasting all that the Lord has given me. This is not my money that I am wasting, it's His! We in America are so rich, yes even living paycheck to paycheck counts as being rich. It kills me to sit here and think about all that is wasted, that I've wasted. It's a good thing we have a Starbucks on every corner because I just don't think we could survive.

            I remember when some dear friends of ours were raising money to become missionaires in another country. They literally opened up there home and sold everything. I remember coming home and looking at all my stuff and asked myself if I could do that. Could I sell all this stuff that we worked so hard to get. And then I fell to my knees in tears. We worked hard for all this stuff!! Did that really just come out of my mouth. Is that where my hope lies.... in stuff? Is that what really matters?

          How come we only take certain scriptures out of the bible and that is what we base our faith on? Scriptures that don't require us to do anything but to maybe attend church on Sunday and still have our comfortable lives. We either take the whole bible or none at all. The bible (Jesus) tells us we are suppose to go and make disciples of ALL nations, Jesus tells us we are suppose to take care of the widows and orphans. The bible does  not say to sit comfortably in our air conditioned house. Now I'm not saying to open your doors and sell everything (unless Jesus tells you too) what I am saying is that I want to suffer for my King. I don't want to be comfortable, I don't want to be able to spend money on my coffee or whatever and not be able to give to someone in need. I want to give first and then whatever is left over I want to give some more.I don't want to just say I am going to do all these things, I want to actually do them and with the Lord's help I can. I honestly can not wait for the day that Lord tells our family to go and we can open up our home and sell everything. Yes, I truly mean it. I know that we are not meant to stay in Clearwater Florida for ever. How do I know that? Because the Lord has laid it on our hearts a long time ago that we would be called away. We are patiently and prayfully waiting.

           As I have heard someone say before. "Praying that Jesus will break my heart for what breaks His." He is doing it! I said in the very beginning of this adoption that I felt so honored that He would allow me to experience Him in this way. I have to rely on the Lord in a way that I never have before. Everyday He is continuing to wreck my heart even more for Him and for His will on my life. That alone is something to be praised.

          I can all ready see that our son is changing our lives more then we will ever change his. I am not perfect, I am a sinner so I am extremely grateful for Jesus never ending grace. So absolutely thankful that we get to be on this journey. So absolutely grateful that the Lord loves me enough to want to make me more like Him.

Walking along this narrow road desperately trying to live my life completely dependent on the Lord.


  1. I was just reading @ this this morning in the Hole in the Gospel. We don't do anything about the poor because it's not personal. It's not close to home. Don't get me wrong--it's service to Jesus to take a meal to a sick neighbor. But if there was a starving, dying child on your doorstep that you had to jump over to get to your neighbors...wouldn't you stop? Wouldn't it become personal?? Wouldn't there be urgency??

    I think our adoptions make it personal. Our hypocrisy is exposed---because we realize we do make choices, every day, to do nothing.

    I'm with you!!! All HIS! All for His glory!! Daily having to die to the self that's so easily resurrected by my sinful desires and pride.

    Thanks for honesty and openness. Love you!!

  2. I just found your blog through Robin's facebook, and I recognize you from Skycrest. I think I saw you at the homeschool coop meeting in your Simply Love tshirt, too! Maybe we will bump into each other more this year since I am starting to homeschool. So exciting to read about your call to adoption! :) I just got the Hole in Our Gospel book and I hear it's mind blowing. I agree with you on the coffee thoughts - you totally don't even realize how much you spend either! I admire you for your perspective and goals.