Torn into pieces....Our Boy!

We arrived in Ethiopia on a Friday night and that Saturday morning we were picked up in a van to go see our boy for the first time.

The night before we actually slept really well. We just crashed when we saw our bed.

On the ride to the transition home I was to busy taking all that I was seeing in, that I didn't really think about what was going to happen.

                                     Then before I knew it, we arrived at the gate to where he was.

                                         I tried to take it all in as we walked through the court yard.

                                                   Then they take you up stairs to a waiting room.

Hubby walking up to the room.

I normally get really nervous and I will shake and feel sick to my stomach. This time I didn't . I had peace and was just excited.

                                         We then all wait in the room for them to bring our kids to us.

The new parents!

One of the men was keeping a look out to see which kid was coming so we could all be ready with cameras. Two if us were getting babies and another was getting a toddler. When he said it was a real little one coming we assumed it was the other persons baby because ours is a chunker. Turned out to be ours. So we were not exactly ready with the camera, but we did get the first shot of them handing our new son to me.

                              
                                  Everybody keeps asking if I cried and I honestly only cried one tear.

It was not a sad tear. It was a " I have seen so many pictures and now I am actually here loving on him" kind of tear. I was beyond happy! I really couldn't believe that I was holding my boy. The boy that God laid on our hearts years ago. The boy that we have prayed for non stop as a family for a year and a half. The boy that melted my heart as soon as I saw his referral picture. The boy that God so graciously said would be a Maser.

Our boy! Thank you Jesus!!




Somethings about our Caleb: The time that we spent with him was amazing. He loved my hair and would hold it in his hands and just stare at it. He loves his daddy and laughs at him alot. We taught him how to say Da-Da and blow raspberries. He is not quite crawling but tries. He has two bottom teeth. He looks bigger then he actually is. He is wearing 9 months clothing and then they layer them a lot per their custom. He loves to snuggle on my chest. He has never had any toys before and we gave him one that crinkled and it scared him. He smiles a huge smile when I tickle his face.



Saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. You can not truly prepare yourself with how bad it hurts. Knowing that he is sick and all that we saw, I have to keep reminding myself that if he had the proper care and love then he wouldn't be an orphan.

I was laying him in his crib for the last time

Everyone keeps asking us how it was and how we are feeling and it has been very hard to talk about. This pain that you feel, this love for a boy who is miles and miles away and you have no clue when you can bring him home for good just sucks! There is no other word. In this adoption process this will be the hardest thing you will ever do.

I watch the videos that we took of him and I just break even more. I miss him. I want to desperately hold him again. 

I don't want to be this downer or walk around with a poor me attitude. I do have peace from the Lord and I know that God loves Caleb more then I do and I know that God will bring him home at the right time. But trusting in the Lord and holding on to His strength and peace doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt.

My heart is broken. A piece of me, a huge piece, is not here.I will not feel better until he is home where he belongs.

In the midst of this indescribable pain, I am thankful!
I am thankful that I know what he sounds like when he cries, when he laughs. I am thankful for his smell which is so good and I can still smell him on me. I am thankful the he will forever have a family that will love him.  I am thankful that God called us down this incredibly hard, painful, exhausting, rewarding journey to our boy.


I am thankful that when I am weak, then I am strong.





Lord please let our letter be here soon. I can not wait to show you his face <3