Solomon was a great man who had it all, wisdom, power, and even God's favor, but even he knew that everything is meaningless apart from God. Solomon in Ecclesiastes is somewhat testing our faith and challenging us to find true meaning in God alone. Nothing is ever enough. We will always want more, we will never be satisfied. I don't want to live my life searching this world to find meaning, I want to pursue God who gives meaning. As Solomon puts it "It's is all meaningless-like chasing after the wind."
In Ecclesiastes 3 Solomon talks about how there is a time for everything. "For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under the sun." This adoption process has got to be the hardest thing I have ever gone through. My hubby and I asked God at the beginning to not only break our hearts for what breaks His, we also prayed (and still do) that He would make this adoption hurt. That we would truly have to sacrifice for Him, that this journey would strip us even more of our idols and allow Him to be glorified. The "His perfect timing" part has been hard. At least when you are pregnant you know about when you will have your baby in your arms.You get ultrasounds to know if he is all right.We have nothing. It literally kills me, but as God keeps reminding me, we have Him (which is more then enough). For me to have peace with God concerning this issue I need to accept and appreciate His perfect timing. And I do....sometimes. I'm no where near perfect and I am trying. I am trying to stay focused on Him, I am trying to repent every time that I don't and I am trying to remind myself that Jesus is enough, that everything else is meaningless apart from Him. I don't want to chase the wind. I don't even want to take a step without God directing it , so I need to and want to wait on His timing, I do, even if sometimes my actions don't show it. Even if that ache in my mommas heart keeps getting stronger, even if the money takes months to come in, I am patiently waiting and listening for Him to guide me. And it's not even about the money that I am talking about. It's hard to not know who he his, or if he is being loved on. I have blogged about this before. It's hard. I love though hearing my babies praying for him every night and not just a quick bring my brother home prayer, but real meaningful heartfelt praying, that Jesus would protect their brother and love on him prayer. Melts my heart every time. I do though want to make sure that I enjoy this time of waiting. Just as when you are pregnant you make every effort to enjoy your kids you have now more, and enjoy alone time with your hubby and friends, because wants he gets here everything will change. I want to enjoy where God has us now.
Speaking of Jesus being enough, if that is true then I can let go of my.......gym membership. My goodness that was the hardest thing to do. (I had a scholarship so it was super cheap) That is me time! I loved going to the YMCA. My kids did too. And when my kids were driving me nuts I could just go to the gym and they could play with their friends and I could run off all the stress and listen to worship music and/or sermons. You know it's an idol when you have to argue about letting go of it. God has been telling me for some time to get rid of it and I really, really did not want to. Today I finally did it and it actually felt good. I knew I wasn't obeying God and that burden is now lifted. Maybe this will just be for a season and in His timing He will call me back to it or maybe not. There is more that He is calling us to give up, for some reason that one was hard. It's sad, I know. Jesus you are enough!
Just wanted to share one more thing.....We are having a yard sale this Saturday (come on by) and as I was cleaning out the kids rooms today I realized that we could fit another bunk bed in each of their rooms. That's three more kids after our little man gets here!!! Just thinking ahead :D ......"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him." Psalm127:3 God values children so highly and if He is calling us to fill our home even more, then I welcome it! I know I just talked about how hard it is and how badly my heart aches, but it is so worth it. Even at this point in the process I can say that.
May we all find meaning in our Lord Jesus Christ and may we all stop chasing after the wind. This world will burn with everything in it. Jesus is everlasting!