Friday, March 5, 2010

A different kind of pain.

Having something given to you, then taken away hurts. Having something given to you and then taken away three times is just horribly painful. I am emotionally and physically in need of spiritual rest. I need my savior to give me His love and peace that only He can give. I need His guidance, His strength, and more importantly His grace.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith." Hebrews12:2 .It's so easy to see Jesus in the good things, but do you honestly see Him in times of trouble, times of pain, or times of heartache? I would love to say YES!, but I can't. Sometimes anger takes over and I just keep saying over and over again. WHY? Why Lord, why would you put a huge desire in our heart just to take it away? Why does my body have to fall apart when I need it to be at it's strongest? Why does this have to affect so many people and not just me? and then when that selfishness goes away I hear His voice. I can tell you so many stories of God's mighty hand working in my life. Do I have such little faith that I actually think He stopped!?! I know He is wrecking me and making me more like Him and that is all I really want anyway. We like to call it "suffering" He likes to call it "making us more like Him." This painfulness will be my stepping stones to being more like Jesus. That gives me the peace that I need. I need to truly die to self and I know that He is helping me do that.

Having three miscarriages in a row is not easy.I know that God is not done with our family. We know He will add to it. We just don't know how yet, but the Lord will guide us. (Jermiah29:11)

Lord I thank you for your active presence in my life and I'm so thankful for the way you are leading me know, into your arms. I am excited to see what God has in store for my family.

I will make every effort to take hold of this life you have given me, because it's you Lord Jesus who have taken hold of me. So may I forget what is behind, reach forward to what is ahead, and pursue as my goal the prized promised by your heavenly call (Phil13:12-14)


  1. I read recently...and I was reminded of you:
    Sainthood finds its source in suffering. Remember, it takes eleven tons of pressure on a piano's strings for it to be turned. And God will tune you to perfect harmony with heaven's theme if you will stand the strain.

    Things that hurt and things that mar
    Shape the man (woman) for perfect praise;
    Shock and strain and ruin are
    Friendlier than the smiling days.

  2. My heart aches with you. I am so sorry, and yet I know that these things are working together for His greatest glory and your greatest good.

    I am so glad you are doing this. I can't wait to read your posts and hear your heart. Thanks for sharing and being so vulnerable and open with us. Blessed.

  3. So glad your blogging. Its a beautiful way to see God at work in the lives of His people. In the midst of the storm, in highs of His joy ALL for His glory and honor.

    Weeping with you yet knowing that God will supply and in His perfect timing His will in your lives will be revealed.

    Love you sister.